Letters...

We get letters... from all over. From Rodney Davey in England:

“The US continues to puzzle me enormously. At the moment it's the fuss and rage and (so far as I can tell from the news clips) the sheer insanity which has blown up around Obama's plan to introduce health insurance. What's the problem? Most of Europe has had something like it for decades. Is it the perceived cost which is likely to devolve upon the shoulders of the luckier portion of American society? If so, then that sounds like 'bugger you Jack, I'm alright' politics. Or is it because it smacks of 'socialism', a concept more appalling to the average US sensibility, it seems, than Satan himself.  Astonishing. Poor old Obama, he's got his work cut out. Will he be tougher than Hillary C was?”

In August I wrote a column that told the story of Grandma Roseby in Pembrokeshire, Wales. Grandma Roseby is one hundred and five years old and reads six books a week.

Speaking of Pembrokeshire, Tom Davenport wrote:

“The wonderful writer John Seymour lived and farmed there for some years, producing a number of highly enjoyable books on self sufficient farming...

"He eventually...  migrated across to Ireland, where he started over again and wrote “Blessed Isle - One Man's Ireland” in 1992, beginning around his 76th year... John's writing has a great deal of unvarnished charm in its descriptions of the rural and village life he savored.”

On the subject of the Internet vs. reference books. I got quite a few letters, among them this note from Dan Kvaka:

“Funny but all very true. In our health center, our doctors and mid-levels no longer have subscriptions to magazines and journals (except the ones sent for free by drug companies, and loaded with ads for.....guess what?). Instead they have online subscriptions to medical websites. The information changes so fast, printing could not keep up.

"Last week (someone) asked me to set up (her computer) so she could view a YouTube video of a white guy in a lab coat droning on about lyme disease... I asked her, is that actually interesting? She said, Yes, he's the mega-expert and she pointed to the ratings for that video, thousands of reviews and he got 4-1/2 stars.

"All of our providers still have all of their textbooks decorating the shelves in their offices. They don't read them, they don't want them taking up space at home, and they don't want to throw them away 'cause they paid so (goddamn) much for them when they were starving students in medical school.”

On a column about owning way too many books, Nancy Suib wrote:

“REALLY enjoyed this... you have put words to my addiction as well... definitely feel more comforted about it.”

Roger Luckenbach: “Makes me think that at least I am not the only crazed overly literate person. I thought that I had an over-active packrat gene but then a psychiatrist friend corrected me and said I was an esteemed bibliophile. Makes me feel better but still don't have enough room or time for all the books.”

Finally, this school memory from John Bear, concerning first sentences:

“My wonderful 10th grade English teacher, Aram Tolegian, who claimed (as did many Armenians at the time, I suspect) to be a cousin of William Saroyan, gave us the class project of choosing the best first line in American fiction. It was a wonderful and contentious time, and when the final vote was taken, and there was a clear winner, we were all commanded to commit it to memory forever, so of course we did.

"The thousand injuries of Fortunato I had borne as best I could, but when he ventured upon insult, I vowed revenge."

Thank you John and thank you all listeners and readers. I truly enjoy hearing from you. Has anyone remembered what book that first sentence comes from? No fair looking it up on Google, just because I did.

NOTES:

All Words on Books scripts are archived here.

Specifically:
“Instant Books & Evil Politicians”

“Grandma Roseby in Pembrokeshire”

“Eat Your Phone Book”

“I Fear I’m Not Alone”

“Judging a Book by its First Line, or maybe its Last Line”

“Blessed Isle: One Man’s Ireland” is out of print. It can easily be obtained from a number of dealers at prices ranging from under a dollar to $212. Try this

SPOILER ALERT: Don’t read further if you still are figuring out the provenance of "The thousand injuries of Fortunato I had borne as best I could, but when he ventured upon insult, I vowed revenge."





– “The Cask of Amontillado” by Edgar Allan Poe.

Never Could Figure Out How to End It

The Books section of the Sunday San Francisco Chronicle features Grabbers, “a selection of first sentences from new books.”

For example: “I was suspended in eighth grade for bringing my semen to science class” writes Ryan Boudinot at the beginning of his novel “Misconception.”

Being contrary, I wondered about the opposite of “Grabbers.” LAST sentences. From OLD books.

The hapless ending: “That might be the subject of a new story, but our present story is ended.” (from “Crime & Punishment” by Fyodor Dostoevsky).

The famous ending: “That’s well said,” replied Candide, “but we must cultivate our garden.” (“Candide” by Voltaire).

The scratch-your-head ending: “I dwell the longer upon this subject from the desire I have to make the society of an English Yahoo by any means not insupportable,” (Jonathan Swift at the end of “Gulliver’s Travels”) “and therefore I here entreat those who have any tincture of this absurd vice, that they will not presume to come in my sight.” Swift prefers impossibly smart and civilized horses to debased human Yahoos, or at least that’s how I read it, but I could be wrong. And the novel ends.

Herman Melville began “Moby Dick” with what became one of the most famous first lines in history: “Call me Ishmael.” The novel appears to end with the sinking of the whale ship Pequod: “Now small fowls flew screaming over the yet yawning gulf; a sullen white surf beat against its steep sides; then all collapsed, and the great shroud of the sea rolled on as it rolled five thousand years ago.”

Wonderful ending. But wait; there is an epilogue so Ishmael can survive to tell the tale. Buoyed by the coffin of his friend, the harpoonist Queequeg: “I floated on a soft and dirge-like main. The unharming sharks, they glided by as if with padlocks on their mouths; the savage sea-hawks sailed with sheathed beaks. On the second day, a sail drew near, nearer, and picked me up at last. It was the devious-cruising Rachel, that in her retracing search after her missing children, only found another orphan.”

Back here in present reality, I asked local publisher, poet and editor Cynthia Frank to share her thoughts on the usefulness of first lines:

“If I'm bored by the first page in a manuscript submission, I'll usually skip around a bit to see if the story picks up. Many authors who are starting out seem to find their voice, their real starting point, a number of pages in. If it's a first novel and I'm intrigued enough to give the manuscript some time, the architecture of the story, and its ending are extremely important. I've read a lot of bang-up beginnings. Not everyone can write a bang-up ending.

“Some newer authors paint themselves into painful literary corners... If the manuscript is both problematic and full of errors (grammar, syntax), reeks of perfume or mold, or is full of hate (race, gender, religion), we'll reject it immediately. Neatness counts, too. I want to be working with authors who respect their own work! A publishing contract is a long-term relationship, not dinner at your favorite restaurant.

“Of course, we spend more time on submissions than the big publishing houses. If you're a Random House editor wading through 300+ submissions each week, that first page is really important! And so is the marketing information and information about the author,” she concludes.

Now Words on Books needs a good last line. Except I don’t have one.

NOTES:

My long-time friend and colleague Cynthia Frank owns Cypress House, Lost Coast Press, QED Press, and EdgeWork Books, all located on 155 Cypress Street, Fort Bragg, CA 95437.

You can reach her at (707) 964-9520 and online:

Recent books and awards include “Spanish-Live It and Learn It! The Complete Guide to Language Immersion Schools in Mexico” by Martha Racine Taylor and “The Dog Walked Down the Street: An Outspoken Guide for Writers Who Want to Publish” by Sal Glynn (winner, IPPY Gold Award for Best Writing/Publishing Book).

Someone has compiled 98 PAGES of first lines, if you dare to look.

Current editions of books mentioned:

“Misconception” by Ryan Boudinot ISBN: 080217065X

“Crime & Punishment” by Fyodor Dostoevsky ISBN: 0199536368

“Candide” by Voltaire ISBN: 0140455108

“Gulliver’s Travels” by Jonathan Swift ISBN: 0199536848

“Moby Dick” by Herman Melville ISBN: 0199535728

“Spanish-Live It and Learn It! The Complete Guide to Language Immersion Schools in Mexico” by Martha Racine Taylor ISBN: 1879384647

“The Dog Walked Down the Street” by Sal Glynn ISBN: 1879384663

Eating Books

We’re making and using too many books. We must reduce the clutter, leave only footprints, clean the skies, save the frogs. I have chosen to recycle books by chewing and eating them raw. Note: this may cause side effects for those sensitive to colored inks or industrial glue.

I no longer eat brightly colored children’s books, by the way, because of the lead content.

Many modern users of telephone services no longer use phone books. First, the type’s too small. Then there are way too many listings in there. What’s the point of having a cell phone in your pocket if you also have to carry a big book with everyone’s numbers in it? You only need to know your friends’ numbers and the number for your dentist.

Rob Pegoraro of the Washington Post’s Help File answers the question “How can I get the phone company to stop sending me phone books? They go straight to the recycling bin at our house.”

Rob’s answer: There is a new service – on the Internet, where most people now look for phone numbers, he says – that lets you see who is publishing local phone books and then tells you how to beg them to stop sending phone books to you.

We just take them as they come. We throw out the old phone books when new ones arrive, as we already do with The New Yorker, The Newsweek, various catalogs, The Sierra Club Bristly Pine Cone Courier, and other publications that end up in the big blue recycling bin outside our front door.

Those who don’t throw away publications in a timely fashion find their staircases blocked by piles of old magazines and outdated phone books.

Once in a while I still use the phone book. This morning I wanted to call my dentist, but I had forgotten his last name, so it didn’t exactly work for me. But if I still had a memory, it would have.

I googled “dentist in Mendocino” and quicker than one heartbeat I found him AND his phone number, PLUS a map to his office, PLUS an offer to compare on Ebay, whatever that means for a dentist. It was way faster than fumbling through the phone book, because I never turn off my computer.

Google: Fast, wastes electricity. Phone book: Slow, difficult to chew and digest.

I’ve come to rely on Internet look-up for words and phrases in my new language, Italian, and for English words I use www.dictionary.com much more often than “The Unabridged Random House Dictionary” I have in my office, despite the lovely polished wood revolving book stand.

If you set up a browser with your favorite reference sites (start with www.refdesk.com) you’ll find up-to-date data faster than you will by pulling out your favorite outdated reference books. I didn’t used to want to think this was true, but it’s true now.

Of course, somewhere they are mining heavy metals and burning coal to power this Internet thing; nothing that good could possibly be truly free.

Certainly I love books and the experience of sitting down with a juicy pile of them. Fiction wants to be savored. Memoirs call out to be chewed upon. But plain information needs only to be accurate and quickly available.

Did you know that Jupiter at its closest is 370 million miles or 591 million kilometers from Earth? Google does, and getting the answer took 26 hundredths of one second.

If you want to test this idea, search Google as well as your favorite reference book for the phrase “eating books” and let me know what you discover.

NOTES:

From the Washington Post online: Rob Pegoraro attempts to untangle computing conundrums and errant electronics each week. Send questions to The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071 or robp@washpost.com. Visit http://voices.washingtonpost.com/fasterforward for his Faster Forward blog.

The ALA has decided not to worry themselves overmuch over lead content in children’s books:

From Paul at the UC Davis bookstore:

First the internet tells us to be aware of our kids eating books and getting
really ill.

Then some guy comes along and writes a book about it - a book for kids!!
"The Incredible Book Eating Boy" by Oliver Jeffers, ISBN13: 9780399247491